The Marauders Who Don't Do Anything
by SongbirdNoodles
Summary: As James and Sirius land themselves in detention again, Remus and Peter enjoy some time as the quiet marauders. Songfic to Relient K's The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything.


**The Marauders Who Don't Do Anything**

"Are they in trouble _again_?" Remus flopped into a seat at the dinner table next to Peter, stuffing his edition of _Numerology for Beginners _book into his bag with some difficulty. He smiled to himself- Arithmancy was so interesting. It was every bit as hard as Andromeda had warned him it would be, but unlike her, he count actually count, and quite liked the challenge. They weren't doing very advanced things yet, of course, since it was only their first year of Arithmancy, but the subject still seemed wildly interesting. And (though Remus would never have admitted it aloud) it was quite nice to be in class without James, Sirius and Peter once in awhile.

Next to him, Peter swallowed his mash and nodded gravely: "They shoved a tin of Flubberworms down Cissy's backside during Creatures, and Sirius put a hex on her when she caught them." Remus rolled his eyes. James and Sirius were indeed being lectured by the triumvirate of Professors McGonagall, Slughorn and Kettleburn. Remus caught snatches of what they were saying over the clatter of knives and forks all around.

"Honestly, put your talents to a better use…" That was McGonagall, sounding irate, and to be truthful, Remus couldn't quite blame her- it was only Tuesday and she'd already put them in detention three times this week.

And Slughorn, with his disappointed grumbling voice: "Young Mr. Black, I'm going to have to tell your family about this…"

"Mr. Potter, how often have I lectured you about acting responsible with dangerous creatures?" That was Kettleburn, coughing during his accusations, blimey he was getting old, wasn't he?

"Flubberworms aren't dangerous!" That was James, his voice so loud and stubborn it made people in the vicinity stop and stare. Remus snorted into his pumpkin juice, while Peter let out a sigh next to him.

"Oh bloody perfect, now he's started arguing! D'you think they're ever going to learn that it's better just nod and bear it- she's going to throw James off the Quidditch team, she said she would if he doesn't get a grip over himself," He reported half-excited, half-exasperatedly, craning his neck to watch James and Sirius, who were now actually arguing with the teachers.

"Naah, she wouldn't," Remus answered through a slice of bread. "She likes winning too much, good old McGonagall. It'll be detentions again, which means we're going to have to finish their charms homework for them again…"

"I'm so bloody sick of that," Peter grumbled. "Honestly, can't they be a bit more like us- get into trouble less and keep their heads down just for a week or so? I'm telling you, Remus, she's gonna kick him off the team- and if she doesn't, another teacher will. God, can't they just…get a grip!"

"No, they can't. They're…a lot more…loud…than we are, I guess. They can't not do all that reckless, stupid stuff that we don't need 24 hours a day, because to them it's just normal."

Peter turned to him, looking miserable. "And where does that leave us? I'm telling you, I get sick of being James Potter's friendly-but-untalented-best-friend once in a while…I mean you're right, they do always need something burning everywhere, and we…"

"…we like to sit in the common room and play some Gobstones." Remus smiled. "There's got to be two kind of Marauders, don't you think? The ones that slip Flubberworms down girls' skirts, and the ones that get notes slipped from girls. So, does Florentina Parker still fancy you?"

"Aw, don't be a prat, Remus." Peter miserably chucked a half-eaten roll at his friend, missing spectacularly because he was too busy glaring at second-year Florentina's back, who had told every girl at Hogwarts she thought he was "a doll", and apparently meant it as a compliment.

"Hey!" Remus flicked a wad of spinach back at Peter, but also missed, hitting Carissa Malfoy, one of Cissy Black's friends, instead. Simultaneously, the two ducked under the table and hastily fled the Great Hall, Remus lugging his bag behind him.

"Tellin' you mate, you were never great shakes at Quidditch," Peter laughed as they walked towards Gryffindor Tower.

"Yeah, well, you're rubbish with girls, _Mister_," Remus retorted, also laughing.

"We're _both_ rubbish with girls," Peter pointed out. "And we're clumsy. And not dressed very fashionably."

"_You're_ clumsy," Remus pointed out. "I happen to be quite coordinated, actually- and at least I don't wear those horrible Muggle shoes with the money in them!"

"They're called loafers, and they're quite fashionable with Muggles" Peter was now howling with laughter. "I've told you million times!"

Laughing merrily, they walked back to Gryffindor tower, where they spent fifteen minutes trying to remember the password before Fabian Prewett, going to dinner, had mercy with them.

"Shall we play some Gobstones then?" Remus asked, glancing at Peter. "And I think some chocolate is in order- in celebration of being wimpy!"

"Sounds like a plan, I'll get it." Peter nodded, walking up the spiral staircase, glancing down at his grinning friend. "And Remus- we don't say wimpy. We say _placid_. We say 'still waters run deep'. We're deep, Remus. And, you know, _normal_."

Remus let himself fall into an armchair, looking out the window at the rising moon. Normal. If only…


End file.
